~The Sauceman Cometh~

Well folks, I put some thought into it, and although I'm still pissed about the criminal theft on blogspots part, I've decided to go ahead and keep the blog around. I've been lacking inspiration lately, it's almost like I need to get out more and do some observing so I have something to write about! Yes, it's true, I'm a bit of a hermit, but in all fairness I do keep a rather silly schedule, up at 3:15, and in bed about 7...yeah yeah, keep all your comments to yourself, I already know its lame! Some of you may know, some of you may not, but a few years back I got ordained through Universal Ministries. How bad a$$ is that right?? Me, a Pastor, a Reverend, a Minister, call it what you'd like, I'm not to picky. The problem is, I've yet to find somebody to let me put my title to work. Come on people! Hook a Reverend up! I got skillz yo! I've seen plenty of weddings, baptisms, funerals...all that stuff, and I'm positive I could do it. It really doesn't look to tough at all. Weddings, they're all pretty much written out already! (side note, my booger of a neighbor just left with his sirens squealing...and his puppies are running loose across the street, boy I really don't care for him) You just follow the general "do you take this woman blah blah blah kiss this little hooker" kinda stuff...simple. Baptisms, shoot anyone with a little water and a bible can pull that off, maybe I'll go to Oceans of Fun and set up a booth? Sounds lucrative, and I could eat dippin dots and catch a tan while I'm at it! (I'm rather pastey...really..not cool...who wants to take me tanning? My no good EX sister bailed on me, curse her soul, and I'm to scared to go alone :P) Funerals,...well,...no I won't do those...that's sad stuff..ALTHOUGH, I've really been thinking lately about planning my own funeral and having it all notarized and stuff so that it has to be done how I want it done! (is that possible? could someone do that?) Seriously, that would be awesome! Because you know know if I for some reason croaked tomorrow, there is no way my mom and dad would would have pony rides afterwards and stripper poles on stage with booty dancers while my coffin rolled in on 26's as the sound system bumped Pimpjuice at an obnoxious level...no way...but maybe, just maybe if I planned it all out somebody would respect my wishes. I think I would like a midget to tend to the pony rides too, dressed up like a little cowboy with a curly mustache...yessss....I love it. I do however have a potential wedding, I think they don't have the nuts to go through with it, but I'm crossing my fingers! It would be in a backyard, with camouflage and hunting orange as the colors, G.I. Joes on the wedding cake, and yours truly behind the pulpit with a beverage in one of those naked chick coozies. HOT DANG! Now THAT sounds like a good time!! Tell me you wouldn't go to that wedding, shoot I'd pay $2.73 to go check out somethin like that! Seriously! I mean it would have to be as entertaining as Prairie Dog Town, and I paid like 7 bucks for that garbage! (time out...I gotta poop....)..ok I'm back. It was a decent poop, nothing to shout about. Well...I'm kinda done rambling now I think... Have a fantastic day my friends, and remember...if you see Amy Stearman, tell her she is as worthless as knowledge of rare cheeses