~Double Down~

For the last couple of weeks or so, I've been seeing this commercial for the "Double Down chicken sandwich" from kfc. Have you seen it? It's an amazing commercial, more so the sandwich looks amazing in the commercial, which isn't really a sandwich at all. If you've been living under a rock and haven't seen it, it's two boneless chicken breasts (grilled or breaded) with bacon, Monterrey and pepper jack cheese and some delicious sauce smashed between them! WOW! Now THAT'S amazing! You can see my excitement right? So today my foreman and I were sitting there before lunch and I mentioned how I would like to try it. To my surprise he had the same excitement for it as me....well....not so much...he just wanted to try it, but never mind that! He was in to go grab one with me!! YESS! As we hopped in the truck and started driving for the nearest kfc, 21st and gage, my mouth started watering and I was imagining how tasty this poultry delight would be! CRAP! Construction on gage! seriously!?? DANGIT! "Randy, hit the lights on this truck and hop the curb dawg! This traffic is stupid! ugh!". He wouldn't....I had to wait...and wait....and wait.....and then wait at a stop light....and then wait for a dummy to come to a complete stop to turn in to subway (why do people do that, I could slit a throat it makes me so mad!) and then I waited at another light next to Arby's, smelling something awesome, only making me more excited for my "Double Down"....then I waited at the stop light by family video....finally we hit some open road....and then I had to wait at the stop light at 17th....YESSS! Traffic moving again! We approached 21st street where Randy, being the smooth operator he is, cut through spangles (I hate them for their commercials) parking lot right into the the treasure spot! KFC!! WOOT!! We wandered our way into the building, I couldn't believe it! No line!? Really!??? All this waiting and now I get an express trip to the register! BAM!! BONUS!! "Hi, welcome to kfc, what can I get you today" said a large African American lady who was extremely friendly and made my 5 minute kfc visit quite pleasant. "Ma'am, today I would like to double down! Grilled chicken please" I gave her a big crooked toothed grin. The anticipation was killing me! Could this new sandwich become my favorite guilty pleasure!? By the looks of it on the television I was almost certain it would! She went right back and made it fresh, gently placing it in a brown paper bag emblazoned with kfc logos and folded the top down nicely in hopes of keeping the heat in. "Here you are sir, one grilled chicken Double Down sandwich to go" she said with a big smile. "Thanks! You may have made my day! Have a wonderful afternoon!" As we made our way to the truck I was visibly beaming with excitement, I wanted to peep in the bag and take a gander at this potential food of the gods! I held strong, saving the surprise for when we returned to Fort Residuals. Randy barely got the truck backed in as I flung the door open and ran inside, skipping two, sometimes three steps on the way up! Each gallup sending me closer and closer to tasting my treat! I sat down next to my 52oz bubba keg filled with freshly made city water that is oh so delicious and slowly unfolded the bag gazing in as I pulled the top open. There it is...a box like you would get a big mack in....I reach in and grasp it with a soft touch as if it were the holy grail of fast food. "Here we go" I thought to myself as I lifted the lid!.....what the...wait a second....there must be a mistake...this is like half the size of the one in the commercial...what a mess....my sauce is on the outside of the...why is my cheese all stuck to the wrapper??...WHERES MY BACON!? THIS IS A BACON BIT!.....I calm myself down using zen breathing techniques...now I realize what a effin mess this thing is to eat...this whole sandwich was a terrible idea...good in theory, bad in real life! there is nothing to soak up the sauce so its obviously going to be a mess...what a crock...I ate my sandwich...sitting there in disappointment with fancy sauce covering my fingers and dripping from my mustache, my cheese stuck to the wrapper, and my half inch bacon strip gone with the first nibble...what could have been a steamy love affair has now turned in to butt sex with a fat girl on benefiber....sadly I take the last bite, wash my hands, and sigh, feeling slightly used, fairly dirty, and a little embarrassed...I start therapy sessions tomorrow.